Published: Friday, November 23, 2007
Mother honors her late son by helping others
By AMANDA C. DAVIS
VINDICATOR CORRESPONDENT
"Thank you mom for calling me, u put the first smile on my face in days. Please just at least call me, it makes a huge difference 4 me 2 know u still care."
This is the last time Marilyn Burns heard from her 23-year-old son, Chris, when he sent her a text message at 9:37 p.m. on Sunday, April 15.
Within a few days, he would be laying in a hospital outside San Rafael, Ca., hooked up to life support after suffering a drug-related heart attack.
The text message, which she saved, was in response to one she sent earlier in the week, urging him to hang in there and reminding him that she loved him. She knew he was in trouble.
Chris' story is one that chronicles the pain and desperation of addiction, the ups and downs of recovery and the spiritual journey of a family, trying to make sense of a young life cut short.
Chris was born June 17, 1983, to Marilyn and Randy Burns of Boardman.
Thanksgiving was always Chris' favorite holiday, Marilyn said, explaining she knew she had to spend that day doing something meaningful to honor him.
She settled on serving meals at Youngstown's Rescue Mission, along with her brother, Don Arditi of Columbus.
As a mental health counselor and director of Canfield's Treat Yourself Center for Holistic Health, Marilyn has experience treating people with neurological impairments, drug problems and a host of other issues. This helped her to deal with Chris when he was born with Attention Deficit Disorder and dyslexia, and later when he became addicted.
She said his disorder gave Chris a greater sense of empathy and compassion for others.
From the beginning, Marilyn said she knew her son was special.
"I always felt he was an angel on this earth for a reason," she said. "Down deep inside, there was something so pure about him — his heart was huge."
Chris graduated from Boardman High School in 2002, where he had played football. That summer, before he was to leave for Mount Union College, he was in a car accident that left him with a broken back and other injuries.
He started his freshman year and was in chronic pain when someone turned him onto OxyContin, a powerful painkiller that gives users a heroinlike high. From there, things went downhill and Chris ended up twice at Glenbeigh's rehab facility in Rock Creek.
After the second stay, Marilyn said Chris moved to Naples, Fla., to stay with friends from the Youngstown area and look for work. Doing well and making good money at a restaurant there, Marilyn thought Chris had turned the corner.
Then she decided to visit in May 2004, a combined Mother's Day and birthday present for herself. "I knew he was in trouble again the minute I stepped off the plane," she said. "His eyes didn't look right and he was nervous."
After a sleepless night, Marilyn said a great sense of intuition compelled her to check a shelf in his bathroom. Behind it is where she found drug paraphernalia.
In that moment, Marilyn was both mortified for her son and humbled by what she said was a higher power that led her to the truth. She waited until he awoke and confronted him with what she found. This time he had to get clean for good, she told him.
Marilyn said Chris' brother Jason was living in San Rafael, Ca., and wanted Chris to move out there in late 2004 and start over. He did OK for awhile, she said, but eventually found his way back to drugs.
He returned to Boardman a few days after Thanksgiving last year and entered rehab in the Teen Challenge program in Cleveland. He was kicked out in February for smoking cigarettes and headed back to California, vowing to get help there.
Still in pain, Chris finally went to a doctor who put him on Prozac and methadone to help wean him off whatever opiates he was taking. He also agreed to start physical therapy again.
About a week before his heart attack, Marilyn said she had a dream of him in a coffin.
"I couldn't sleep; I couldn't breathe," she explained. "I called him and warned him and he got scared."
He promised to get it together, told her he was going to finish school to become a counselor and that he eventually wanted to take over her practice so he could help others.
Chris was staying at a hotel with a girlfriend and wasn't returning calls from his mother or brother. That's when he had the heart attack, after mixing a combination of prescribed drugs — including methadone, Prozac and Adderall — and opiates which he had not been prescribed.
He was brain dead and on life support by the time Marilyn and Chris' father flew out there.
Doctors said he would never recover and Marilyn said she initially fought that idea. She wanted a second opinion and more tests, but needed time to think.
While resting in the hospital, she said she must have dozed off.
"I had a dream and he came to me as clear as could be and said, 'Let me go, Mom. I'm already gone.'" He was taken off life support, transported back to Youngstown and buried a few days later in Calvary Cemetery.
This time of year is especially hard for both Marilyn and Jason as they continue to struggle with the loss. "I've made it seven months now and I'm thankful I had him for 23 years because he brought me huge joy," she said.
Jason, 26, still lives in San Rafael where he works at a law firm while waiting to take the bar exam. He said his feelings about his brother's death can best be summed up by the word he got tattooed on his forearm shortly after — "Broken."
While Chris lay in the hospital, Marilyn positioned his hands as if he were praying and took a picture. That picture was taken to Artistic Dermagraphics in Boardman where owner Debbie Lenz turned it into a tattoo over Jason's heart. Below it appear the words "Until we meet again."
Marilyn said she still feels Chris around her and often talks to him, taking comfort in the fact that he's now safe.
Her advice for others dealing with addicts is to never shut them out. "You don't have to excuse their behavior or enable them," she said. "Just tell them you love them; I said what I had to say and I have no regrets or loose ends."
Chris' unpacked suitcase that came back from California still sits in his bedroom at his mother's house. A rosary hangs on the outside of his door and several more lay on a night stand and dresser. His mom said his faith and church were both extremely important to him.
There are also letters and poems he wrote, chronicling his thoughts, hope and at times, despair.
He knew his pain had a higher purpose — for his story to help others — and to get it out there, Marilyn plans to soon write a book about him.
"It didn't matter how sick Chris got, even in the darkest part of his addiction, he kept saying that God had a plan for him," Marilyn said.
He eluded to that in a letter he sent his mother while trying to stay clean in Florida.
"I know God has a path for me that'll affect many lives, and I am so willing to get there. Just keep praying ma — because I know it's working. I love you — Chris."
Friday, November 23, 2007
By AMANDA C. DAVIS
VINDICATOR CORRESPONDENT
"Thank you mom for calling me, u put the first smile on my face in days. Please just at least call me, it makes a huge difference 4 me 2 know u still care."
This is the last time Marilyn Burns heard from her 23-year-old son, Chris, when he sent her a text message at 9:37 p.m. on Sunday, April 15.
Within a few days, he would be laying in a hospital outside San Rafael, Ca., hooked up to life support after suffering a drug-related heart attack.
The text message, which she saved, was in response to one she sent earlier in the week, urging him to hang in there and reminding him that she loved him. She knew he was in trouble.
Chris' story is one that chronicles the pain and desperation of addiction, the ups and downs of recovery and the spiritual journey of a family, trying to make sense of a young life cut short.
Chris was born June 17, 1983, to Marilyn and Randy Burns of Boardman.
Thanksgiving was always Chris' favorite holiday, Marilyn said, explaining she knew she had to spend that day doing something meaningful to honor him.
She settled on serving meals at Youngstown's Rescue Mission, along with her brother, Don Arditi of Columbus.
As a mental health counselor and director of Canfield's Treat Yourself Center for Holistic Health, Marilyn has experience treating people with neurological impairments, drug problems and a host of other issues. This helped her to deal with Chris when he was born with Attention Deficit Disorder and dyslexia, and later when he became addicted.
She said his disorder gave Chris a greater sense of empathy and compassion for others.
From the beginning, Marilyn said she knew her son was special.
"I always felt he was an angel on this earth for a reason," she said. "Down deep inside, there was something so pure about him — his heart was huge."
Chris graduated from Boardman High School in 2002, where he had played football. That summer, before he was to leave for Mount Union College, he was in a car accident that left him with a broken back and other injuries.
He started his freshman year and was in chronic pain when someone turned him onto OxyContin, a powerful painkiller that gives users a heroinlike high. From there, things went downhill and Chris ended up twice at Glenbeigh's rehab facility in Rock Creek.
After the second stay, Marilyn said Chris moved to Naples, Fla., to stay with friends from the Youngstown area and look for work. Doing well and making good money at a restaurant there, Marilyn thought Chris had turned the corner.
Then she decided to visit in May 2004, a combined Mother's Day and birthday present for herself. "I knew he was in trouble again the minute I stepped off the plane," she said. "His eyes didn't look right and he was nervous."
After a sleepless night, Marilyn said a great sense of intuition compelled her to check a shelf in his bathroom. Behind it is where she found drug paraphernalia.
In that moment, Marilyn was both mortified for her son and humbled by what she said was a higher power that led her to the truth. She waited until he awoke and confronted him with what she found. This time he had to get clean for good, she told him.
Marilyn said Chris' brother Jason was living in San Rafael, Ca., and wanted Chris to move out there in late 2004 and start over. He did OK for awhile, she said, but eventually found his way back to drugs.
He returned to Boardman a few days after Thanksgiving last year and entered rehab in the Teen Challenge program in Cleveland. He was kicked out in February for smoking cigarettes and headed back to California, vowing to get help there.
Still in pain, Chris finally went to a doctor who put him on Prozac and methadone to help wean him off whatever opiates he was taking. He also agreed to start physical therapy again.
About a week before his heart attack, Marilyn said she had a dream of him in a coffin.
"I couldn't sleep; I couldn't breathe," she explained. "I called him and warned him and he got scared."
He promised to get it together, told her he was going to finish school to become a counselor and that he eventually wanted to take over her practice so he could help others.
Chris was staying at a hotel with a girlfriend and wasn't returning calls from his mother or brother. That's when he had the heart attack, after mixing a combination of prescribed drugs — including methadone, Prozac and Adderall — and opiates which he had not been prescribed.
He was brain dead and on life support by the time Marilyn and Chris' father flew out there.
Doctors said he would never recover and Marilyn said she initially fought that idea. She wanted a second opinion and more tests, but needed time to think.
While resting in the hospital, she said she must have dozed off.
"I had a dream and he came to me as clear as could be and said, 'Let me go, Mom. I'm already gone.'" He was taken off life support, transported back to Youngstown and buried a few days later in Calvary Cemetery.
This time of year is especially hard for both Marilyn and Jason as they continue to struggle with the loss. "I've made it seven months now and I'm thankful I had him for 23 years because he brought me huge joy," she said.
Jason, 26, still lives in San Rafael where he works at a law firm while waiting to take the bar exam. He said his feelings about his brother's death can best be summed up by the word he got tattooed on his forearm shortly after — "Broken."
While Chris lay in the hospital, Marilyn positioned his hands as if he were praying and took a picture. That picture was taken to Artistic Dermagraphics in Boardman where owner Debbie Lenz turned it into a tattoo over Jason's heart. Below it appear the words "Until we meet again."
Marilyn said she still feels Chris around her and often talks to him, taking comfort in the fact that he's now safe.
Her advice for others dealing with addicts is to never shut them out. "You don't have to excuse their behavior or enable them," she said. "Just tell them you love them; I said what I had to say and I have no regrets or loose ends."
Chris' unpacked suitcase that came back from California still sits in his bedroom at his mother's house. A rosary hangs on the outside of his door and several more lay on a night stand and dresser. His mom said his faith and church were both extremely important to him.
There are also letters and poems he wrote, chronicling his thoughts, hope and at times, despair.
He knew his pain had a higher purpose — for his story to help others — and to get it out there, Marilyn plans to soon write a book about him.
"It didn't matter how sick Chris got, even in the darkest part of his addiction, he kept saying that God had a plan for him," Marilyn said.
He eluded to that in a letter he sent his mother while trying to stay clean in Florida.
"I know God has a path for me that'll affect many lives, and I am so willing to get there. Just keep praying ma — because I know it's working. I love you — Chris."
Friday, November 23, 2007
his heart was huge."
Chris graduated from Boardman High School in 2002, where he had played football. That summer,...
More Stories from Tue, Nov 27, 2007
